My Beauty Secret

Apparently, I used to be “pangit”.

Why did I say this?

I recently got employed at the school where I went for college and when I run into people I knew way back when I was a neurotic student sleepwalking through life in my green-skirt-and-white top uniform they would usually remark, “ang ganda mo na!”  Some of these people are my former professors and clerks from some offices. I’m afraid to ask, how pangit was I?

But I’d like to believe I was not pangit, I was simply depressed. I mean, who would still manage to be pretty if one has dark circles under her eyes, and it’s not because of staying up late to do homework but because you can’t make the voices in your head shut up? Do you think that someone would radiate beauty if she worries constantly and obsessively about the little things like what to wear on no-uniform Saturdays?

So what happened between the then (neurotic student sleepwalking through life) and the now (“ang ganda mo na!”)? No I didn’t undergo any cosmetic surgery. I didn’t lose weight (in fact, I gained a lot after college). What happened was that I accepted that I was clinically depressed and sought professional help. Aside from that, I meditate daily and go for regular massage therapy. Both practices have silenced my mental chatter and greatly improved my well-being.  I have become less angry about a lot of things like the circumstances of my life that I used to think were less favorable than some of my friends, the people who have disappointed me, and my genes that are responsible for my personality traits that I perceive as liabilities. To paraphrase the author Elizabeth Gilbert, I have learned to gracefully accept the terms upon which the universe operates and is no longer genuinely troubled by its paradoxes and injustices.

Depression is “nakaka-pangit.” So if you want to be beautiful, start being grateful and forgive. Being more positive radiates beauty and the people around you can’t help but say, “ang ganda mo na!”